


I need you to need me

by tardisheart134



Category: Supernatural, deancas - Fandom, destiel - Fandom
Genre: Anxiety, Fear, Fluff, Love, M/M, Trust, relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-08
Updated: 2018-02-08
Packaged: 2019-03-15 08:23:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13609404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tardisheart134/pseuds/tardisheart134





	I need you to need me

It was awkward, all awkward and no matter how hard Castiel tried he couldn’t make it less awkward. He could barely look into Dean’s eyes. Everything in Cas’ intuition told him that Dean was interested in him…maybe even as more than a friend. Especially right now as Dean slid into the chair closer to Cas. 

Dean was always moving in closer and studying Cas’ face when he thought no one was watching. If you asked Cas out right he would be able to give you a half-assed list of clichés for why he liked Dean but that was only because he lacked the vocabulary to give definition to the way he felt about Dean. And yet he sat here nervous…closed off…shut down.

“Cas? Can I ask you a question?”

“You just did but I’ll allow another one.” Cas chanced a glance and a grin in Dean’s direction. 

Dean smiled back in a way that let Cas know that he was letting that sass slide, for now. 

“Sometimes I get the feeling that you like me - maybe as more than just friends, but then other times I’m sure that you don’t feel that way about me at all. Sometimes it feels like you don’t even want to be in my presence or like you could take me or leave me.”

“I could never leave you, Dean and the time I’ve spent with you and Sam has been some of the greatest days in my existence. “

“But you don’t have feelings for me…?”

“I have feelings Dean, but I’m no good for you. At best I am useless. I only seem to cause more problems for you. You deserve better. I don’t know how to be someone you need or want.”

“What do you mean ‘useless’?”

“I was created to be God’s soldier. I’ve always known what was expected of me. Everyone I’ve ever met has needed me to be something: a healer, a warrior, a savior. I don’t know what you need from me Dean. I’ve done my best to be someone you can rely on and I only seem to muddle things up. You don’t make demands…you helped me break free from heaven’s orders…team free will and all…but yet you do not demand my obeisance. I don’t know what you need me to be.” 

Dean moved in closer daring to take Cas’ hand in his.

“Can I hold your hand?”

Cas nodded wordlessly as Dean twined their fingers together. 

“Cas this is all I need. This is all I want is for you just to be…be here with me…be who you are…”

“I don’t know who I am Dean, without the expectations and orders from heaven.”

“That’s okay Cas because I’m here for the long haul. There is nothing that you can do or say that’s going to scare me away. When you’re comfortable with yourself, whenever you are comfortable sharing yourself with me just know that I’m here. I’ll always be here.”

Dean thumbed away the tears that were spilling freely from Castiel’s breathtakingly blue eyes. 

"I have gotten good at it over the years - assessing people - I'm adaptable - I sniff out what they need and I become that for them - if they need more self-esteem, a yes man, flattery, security. I can be whatever they need - but you are all acceptance and green eyes and longing and I don't have anything to offer you. I need you to need me, Dean." 

Dean pressed a kiss to the back of Cas’ hand. "I do need you Cas, more than anything else, I need you like my lungs need my next breath, but I don't want you to pretend to be something for me - I just want you, plain and simple. Can you share yourself with me, Cas?" 

Castiel didn't reply with words but instead leaned in a bit closer to Dean to press a gentle kiss to his lips. It was all the answer Dean needed.


End file.
